Just When I Thought I Was Getting Somewhere…

For years, when someone I loved slipped or relapsed, I’d instantly careen down my emotional waterslide into terrifying despair. Thanks to my 12-step work,  I felt like I was moving beyond this behavior. Um, hold up sister. Two nights ago I was triggered by something my sober hubby shared–a comment so benign it would bore you to tears. 

In a nanosecond, I went from safe and secure to miserable and panicked. I envisioned packing bags and doing a Tokyo drift out of my cul-de-sac. I was suddenly drowning in crazy.

This happens less often now thanks to my 12-step program and my husband’s recovery (I know, I know…but I’m guessing this might be how someone with a substance abuse disorder feels when they slip or relapse. Rock-solid in recovery one minute, sipping the second glass of bourbon the next. 

I shocked myself at how quickly I lost my mind. I apologized the next day while wearing a summery hairshirt and shorts ensemble.  

I’m so over these slides. I gotta remember to turn away and take the steps back down to safety next time.