For years, when someone I loved slipped or relapsed, I’d instantly careen down my emotional waterslide into terrifying despair. Thanks to my 12-step work, I felt like I was moving beyond this behavior. Um, hold up sister. Two nights ago I was triggered by something my sober hubby shared–a comment so benign it would bore you to tears.
In a nanosecond, I went from safe and secure to miserable and panicked. I envisioned packing bags and doing a Tokyo drift out of my cul-de-sac. I was suddenly drowning in crazy.
This happens less often now thanks to my 12-step program and my husband’s recovery (I know, I know…but I’m guessing this might be how someone with a substance abuse disorder feels when they slip or relapse. Rock-solid in recovery one minute, sipping the second glass of bourbon the next.
I shocked myself at how quickly I lost my mind. I apologized the next day while wearing a summery hairshirt and shorts ensemble.
I’m so over these slides. I gotta remember to turn away and take the steps back down to safety next time.