The Power Of Three C’s.

If you’re anything like me, and you love someone who has had issues with addiction, it’s easy to think there is something you could, would, should do to make person stop using.  healthy again.  

It’s easy to fault ourselves. Maybe if he would slow down his using if I weren’t so crabby all the time? What if I just did everything myself instead of asking for help. (That sets her off.) I should’ve called and made an excuse explaining why he didn’t show up for work. (It’s only just this once.)

Here are the three big C’s I grabbed early on at my 12-Step meetings. When it comes to my loved one’s addiction:

I DIDN’T CAUSE IT.
I CAN’T CONTROL IT.
I CAN’T CURE IT.

Phew to the millionth power.  Who knew?

Going to meetings is a way to keep reminding myself of these three little truths. They help me re-center myself when my thinking gets squirrely. 

I DIDN’T CAUSE IT.
I CAN’T CONTROL IT.
I CAN’T CURE IT.

Working my 12-steps with a trusted community of friends who get it, reminds me that

I DIDN’T CAUSE IT.
I CAN’T CONTROL IT.
I CAN’T CURE IT.

If I juice up on the experience, strength and hope of other people at my meetings who have found serenity whether their loved ones are drinking/smoking/gambling/using again, I can walk away with the reassurance that

I DIDN’T CAUSE IT.
I CAN’T CONTROL IT.
I CAN’T CURE IT.

Even if you never choose 12-step meetings (and that’s okay because they might not be your cup of  tea.), I’ve made it my mission to carry these truths to anyone who may be suffering under the delusion that it’s their job to FIX the problems engulfing the one they love.

To be sure, there are ways to support a loved one who is trying to stay sober ( most of them involve healthy, loving and sometimes difficult boundaries), but I’ve come to believe you absolutely positively MUST take care of yourself in the process because that’s the only thing you can CAUSE a great massage for yourself, you can CONTROL the three scoops of ice cream you put on your cone, and you can CURE the self-doubt and distorted thinking by being kind to yourself. 

Let’s talk soon!

curlin

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